Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize