I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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