You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
