Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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