i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hello my rib-scented angel!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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