she looked like the bat from fern gully.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize