i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
