god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my shit smells like andre
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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