it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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