i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
