so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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