I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
