he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
