You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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