Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In America we eat man semen.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
