if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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