I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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