She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
