last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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