My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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