So drunk its hurt
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize