Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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