We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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