wanna go halves on a baby?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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