He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
