i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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