My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
