One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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