Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
