Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
