Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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