i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
did i walk over a car last night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
