Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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