Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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