Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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