At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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