I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
