Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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