I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize