Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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