"it" just moved
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
