were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.