member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐