Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.