I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean