You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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