help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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