So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
