there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
