i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
