i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
