He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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