Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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