in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I deserve this hangover.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
