He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
