Sry I called you an 8
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Congratulations! We have a period
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