You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
