Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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