how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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