I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
