remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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