remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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