Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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